I wish I had a soapbox. A blog will have to do.

I was driving to work today and almost killed someone. This is frequent, actually. Not because I am a bad driver, but because my victims are usually having an identity crisis. I'd like to solve this for them, once and for all, with the following statement:

If you are a bike, you are NOT A CAR.

Let me just say that countless lives have been saved by my break pedal and ability to manipulate my steering wheel on a moment's notice.

Cyclists drive me absolutely insane. Literally, because they alter my driving.

1. Do not get in the lane at a stoplight as if you can keep up with the rest of us when it turns green. You can't. My car has an engine, your bike has your legs. Get on the sidewalk. 
2. Do not do the weird straddle-the-lane thing by going in between cars. It makes me so nervous that I am going to clip them with one of my mirrors, or that they'll get just a little too close and I will just clip them altogether. Get on the sidewalk.
3. Do not cross lanes of traffic because it is most convenient for you. This leads to me to conclude that your behavior is unpredictable and no one has any warning for which lane you will enter next. You think you can make your own rules. Get on the sidewalk.

Cars are bigger and stronger than bikes, so why are we accommodating them?

That is all. If you are a bike, you are not a car. Know yourself, and stay on the sidewalk.