Wednesday, June 5, 2013

I wish I had a soapbox. A blog will have to do.

I was driving to work today and almost killed someone. This is frequent, actually. Not because I am a bad driver, but because my victims are usually having an identity crisis. I'd like to solve this for them, once and for all, with the following statement:

If you are a bike, you are NOT A CAR.

Let me just say that countless lives have been saved by my break pedal and ability to manipulate my steering wheel on a moment's notice.

Cyclists drive me absolutely insane. Literally, because they alter my driving.

  1. Do not get in the lane at a stoplight as if you can keep up with the rest of us when it turns green. You can't. My car has an engine, your bike has your legs. Get on the sidewalk. 
  2. Do not do the weird straddle-the-lane thing by going in between cars. It makes me so nervous that I am going to clip them with one of my mirrors, or that they'll get just a little too close and I will just clip them altogether. Get on the sidewalk.
  3. Do not cross lanes of traffic because it is most convenient for you. This leads to me to conclude that your behavior is unpredictable and no one has any warning for which lane you will enter next. You think you can make your own rules. Get on the sidewalk.

Cars are bigger and stronger than bikes, so why are we accommodating them?

That is all. If you are a bike, you are not a car. Know yourself, and stay on the sidewalk.


  1. You are officially my hero. Thank you for saying what I have been thinking for years!

  2. I feel like you have some resentment. Nietzsche would be so disappointed.

  3. Just found your blog, Caitlan! I enjoyed this post, because I could hear your voice in it and that makes smile - been a while!

    I just started riding my bike to work this last month. I learned a lot about how to ride a bike safely in traffic during my time in the Boy Scouts oddly enough. Guess it was good for something!

    With all that said, I must apologize that I now must correct you on a few things, but agree with you on others:

    1. If bikers are blocking your entire lane at stoplights, that is pretty lame. They should be hugging the shoulder, just next to the white line (the white line, however, is slippery death in the rain, so most bikers do not ride on top of it, at least the smart ones in Seattle).

    Bikers SHOULD NOT be on the sidewalk though - that is more dangerous than riding in the road. I could explain it to you but it would be better to read it from another source:

    2. It's either straddle the lane or be in the middle of the road. Again, I will not ride on the sidewalk as it is dangerous.

    3. If bikers are crossing lanes of traffic without signalling, that is really lame. It's lame when cars do it, and it is more lame when bikers do it, because they are riding slow and invariably cutting cars off.

    Since you drove home your point by mentioning it 3 times, I must at least mention my strongest point twice - RIDING ON THE SIDEWALK IS VERY DANGEROUS FOR BIKERS! And they should NOT be doing it if they care about their lives.

    1. Danner- good to hear from you! Laurie keeps me posted on your life, and it sounds like things are going well- I wish Kelsey the best, and congratulations to the both of you!

      That being said, I loved your comment, and I stand corrected. (It also made me laugh out loud) The crazy thing is that a good number of roads, as in most, in Provo actually have specific bike lanes. Why riders don't stay in them, I'm not sure. But let's get real- this is P-town, and we all know a bunch of crazies live here. I shouldn't be surprised that this extends to the cyclists.