Lightheaded

I have only gone to do sealings three times in my time as a full-use temple recommend holder. All three times have been a bit of an adventure!

The first is likely the most entertaining. I went early on a Saturday morning and had just thrown myself together before leaving. Apparently my disheveled appearance was no deterrent as a young man who was also there asked me on a date as we were leaving the temple. I turned him down, fairly certain we weren't a match. Months later I learned he was the roommate of one of my close friends, and they had all talked about how lame I was for saying no, not making the connection between me being one guy's good friend and the other's rejection story!

The second time, I started not feeling too well as soon as we were in the sealing room. When it came to my turn, I got a little lightheaded, started blacking out, and the next thing I knew, an old man was helping me off the floor. Temple workers are so funny- they gave me juice and had me lay down for the next half hour. What an adventure.

Third time is the charm, and so when I went to do sealings today I knew I was likely in for some sort of treat. I wasn't there for more than ten minutes before I started getting really hot, light headed, and had to leave. They tried to get me to stay, but I am a veteran of passing out in the sealing room, so I knew what was best. I didn't take the juice this time though... I should have- I like that juice.

So, the moral of the story is that I won't do sealings anymore. I don't mind staying away from sealings- there are plenty of other things I could do. My only concern is what about when it comes to my sealing? I'm sure I'll be all sorts of nerves on my wedding day- I hope I can keep it together!! Fainting during my own wedding isn't really a cute story.

Doesn't Remind Me

I discovered this song (Doesn't Remind Me) by Audioslave in high school- I want to say around sophomore or maybe junior year, a time when I had only had one or two past boyfriends. I really liked it at the time because it described pretty accurately how I felt, and this song has since become one that I listen to at the end of every relationship. Something, once again, hasn't worked. What began as a hopeful endeavor is over, and I need no more reminders. And so, as the song mentions, I like to do things that don't remind me of anything. Things that I like to do, that I've always liked to do, and that hold no connection to any one person or thing. Things that are just Caitlan, and that is all.

It is for this reason, I believe, that running is somewhat sacred to me. I don't usually run with the guys I date because I want to maintain my running time as mine, without it being someday reminiscent of someone else's presence. It's important to me to have something therapeutic that will always be a release, and also that is specific to me.

One could argue that it's pessimistic that I have things I don't want to or that I never share. But, like many in my position of young adult singlehood, I am tired, and need something to remain constant. Dating has become increasingly taxing with age, and, as is likely evidenced by this post, tends to taint parts of life left in its immediate wake. And so I hold onto those things that can remain memory free, like running. It doesn't remind me of anything.

http://youtu.be/lBFdX37Qpnk

***

I posted this last night, deleted it this morning, and then thought better of it, so here it is again. For those of you with google reader, sorry for the doubles.

Why the deletion and the replacement? Well, I deleted it because I didn't want my blog to be a place of whining. I re-post because I like some of my wording and pride myself on the occasional well-chosen articulation.

Hiking the Y

Last week Matt and I hiked the Y- and it was so much fun! I don't know if I'd call it a hike so much as a continuously uphill walk, but it was still fun. Matt brought a blanket, which we spread out on the Y and laid on to look out over Provo. It was a really pretty morning, but as you might be able to tell from the pictures, we were FREEZING!