Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Doesn't Remind Me
I discovered this song (Doesn't Remind Me) by Audioslave in high school- I want to say around sophomore or maybe junior year, a time when I had only had one or two past boyfriends. I really liked it at the time because it described pretty accurately how I felt, and this song has since become one that I listen to at the end of every relationship. Something, once again, hasn't worked. What began as a hopeful endeavor is over, and I need no more reminders. And so, as the song mentions, I like to do things that don't remind me of anything. Things that I like to do, that I've always liked to do, and that hold no connection to any one person or thing. Things that are just Caitlan, and that is all.
It is for this reason, I believe, that running is somewhat sacred to me. I don't usually run with the guys I date because I want to maintain my running time as mine, without it being someday reminiscent of someone else's presence. It's important to me to have something therapeutic that will always be a release, and also that is specific to me.
One could argue that it's pessimistic that I have things I don't want to or that I never share. But, like many in my position of young adult singlehood, I am tired, and need something to remain constant. Dating has become increasingly taxing with age, and, as is likely evidenced by this post, tends to taint parts of life left in its immediate wake. And so I hold onto those things that can remain memory free, like running. It doesn't remind me of anything.
I posted this last night, deleted it this morning, and then thought better of it, so here it is again. For those of you with google reader, sorry for the doubles.
Why the deletion and the replacement? Well, I deleted it because I didn't want my blog to be a place of whining. I re-post because I like some of my wording and pride myself on the occasional well-chosen articulation.